SPEAK UP: Some Things Should Be Said!!!!

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A while ago, I had a friend to vent to be about something her boyfriend was doing that she did not like. She said he did it quite frequently, and that it really bothered her. I immediately asked her what he said when she told him she didn’t like it. She laughed and admitted to me that she had decided not to mention it to him. I told her that she was to blame and not him. You just can’t hold something against someone when you haven’t communicated with them. NO ONE CAN READ YOUR MIND!!!

This conversation made me realize that I also ignore things that should be addressed. I wonder why women find it so difficult to fend for themselves in relationships. Shouldn’t it be easy to communicate with a person you’re in love with. Now we can tell you what you should say to your man, but we are quiet as church mice in our own homes.

I think that women are, by nature, quite protective people. We will put you in your place without thought if you have gotten out of line with someone or something we love. Mess with a woman’s mother or her child and find out just how lethal she can be. The peculiar thing to me is that I often notice that we aren’t as protective of ourselves. The same lady who would snap your neck about her child will become totally silent when it comes to defending herself. I find this to be especially true in relationships. A woman will be bothered by something her spouse is doing, and she will just ignore it rather than verbalizing her true feelings on the matter.

The issue with ignoring things that bother you is that those small issues tend to fester. They don’t go away or fix themselves just because you decided to maintain the peace in your relationship by not addressing it. In fact, because you didn’t address it, you gave your significant other the idea that everything was fine. This means that more likely than not he will do whatever it was that bothered you again. After all, you haven’t told him that anything was wrong.

The big issue is that the more you ignore things, the more they pile up. The more they pile up, the more bitterness and resentment you carry inside. Allow me to tell you that resentment is HEAVY. IT WILL WEIGH YOU DOWN! Wouldn’t it just be easier to speak up for yourself and say how you feel? Now I’m not telling you to become a nagging, picking pain in a man’s side, but I am saying speak up for yourself. Express yourself and tell how these things make you feel. Because the truth of the matter is when you do something that he doesn’t like or agree with, HE IS GOING TO LET YOU KNOW, and let’s just face it when he lets you know you’re going to try to adjust because you want to maintain the peace. So, why can’t he adjust for you? Speak up for yourself. Don’t let things build up. Don’t wait until you are too fed up to have a productive conversation. When you have let things go too far and have become angry and belligerent, you are not being heard. In fact, he is not even listening to you. Communication on the front end can help alleviate issues before they become cancerous to your relationship.

Speak up for you. Protect your own peace. Say what you feel. Things will only get worse if you don’t express your feelings. Don’t let that little itch become an unbearable rash.

–Ro

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WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT???

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In case you haven’t already figured it out , allow me to make one thing perfectly clear for you; life is going to happen. Things will occur that you cannot control. Things will happen that you do not know how to fix. Things it will happen that cause you to become disheartened. You will have financial issues, trouble finding suitable employment, issues in your love life! Those issues are just a little drizzle compared to things that are bound to happen when the storms of life really start raging. It so easy to host a pity party and invite all of your closest friends, but the truth of the matter is that no amount of Hennessey and coke or strawberry margaritas is going to solve the source of your dismay.

When we are going through things, we can think of all the ways that our life can be different. We can set goals and TALK about all the changes we are going to make. However, the million dollar question here is WHAT ARE WE REALLY DOING ABOUT IT??? What actions are we taking to fix the issues in our lives; what are we doing make these big dreams we have for our lives come true. Talking sounds good, but allow me to tell you my friend that it is a waste of time if you actions do not match the words you are saying.

I can give you a real life example:

This girl I know (ME) has been a teacher since 2008, and I that time she has received two advanced degrees which qualify her to land careers other than teaching positions. Well, she decided last year that she wanted to come out of the classroom! She made up in her mind that she would rather take on a leadership role. She had a goal set, and she was ready to take on this new job. She even prayed for a job outside the classroom!!! When jobs were posted on different websites, SHE ONLY APPLIED FOR TEACHING JOBS!!! She had done all that “big talk,” but her actions had kept her exactly where she said she did not want to be. Yes, she had the qualifications and the goals in place, but SHE DID NOT DO ANYTHING TO ACCOMPLISH THE GOAL! She allowed fear of rejection to win, and she only applied for jobs she KNEW she would get. Even with the goals set and the prayers, guess where she will be working next year: IN THE CLASSROOM!! Even the good book says faith without work is DEAD!!!

The moral of the story is that I wanted a better job, but I did not do anything about it. So, obviously, I did not want it badly enough!!!

Those of you who want a new job, are in a dead end relationship, want to lose weight, want to manage money better, or have any other change you want to make in your life, stop just setting goals and making plans!!! For every goal you set, for every change you wish to make, ask yourself WHAT THE HECK AM I GOING TO DO ABOUT IT!!!!

Setting goals and making plans without taking the necessary actions is like staring into an empty refrigerator waiting on food to appear!!! I can assure you  IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!
So,

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT????

–Ro

I NEED HIM TO HAVE A HANDSOME HEART!!!!

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The inspiration for this post came from a conversation that I recently had with a dear friend. She told me that she has an issue dating a man who does not look a certain way. Meaning, that he has to dress a certain way and look a certain way. This friend went on to say that she thinks the “less attractive” men are nicer and more willing to cater to women, but she just wasn’t sure that she could be completely devoted to a man who was not as easy on her eyes as she would like for him to be. It is safe to say that this friend is single, and still waiting on her “eye candy.” Now, having had this conversation, I am wondering how many women agree with the sentiments of my friend. Exactly how many women are missing out on their husbands, soul mates, and God-anointed life partners because he did not have the charisma (swag) that she likes or is accustomed to? Have I been ignoring my husband because I did not like his shoes?? (If I have, Lord send him back!!!)

I’ll be the first to admit that I would love to wake up day and night to Denzel, Idris, or Floyd, but the reality of the situation is that this fantasy is not always real life.

Many women say that they are praying for a husband, but they turn down every man who does not have on expensive shoes and clothes. How do you know that you are not ignoring your husband every single day? How can you be sure that your husband is not that guy that you laughed at or gave the wrong number? I’d be willing to bet that sometimes when we pray for that husband, God shakes his head and says “I sent him to you, but you didn’t like his swag!” Poor women! Please be mindful that your blessing may not always be packaged exactly like you would like for it to. Look at the man’s heart. The most important part is HOW HE TREATS YOU. A million dollar diamond wrapped in a soiled diaper is still more valuable than cubic zirconia wrapped perfectly with a ribbon on top. It is what’s on the inside that matters. Beauty fades, but a kind heart will still be there. Women should long for a man who honors her from head to toe regardless of how he looks or dresses.

Now whatever you do, PLEASE don’t misinterpret me by leaving this post thinking that I wouldn’t prefer a husband that I find physically attractive; however, the older I get the less I am concerned with his outer appearance. Give me a good heart over good looks any day; I can pick his clothes and shoes. LOL.

Bottom line: everyone is entitled to be attracted to what they are attracted to, and the heart wants what the heart wants, but I will leave you with this thought:

A brand new BENZ with a defaulted engine is not going to get you as far as an old beat up FORD with a good engine. IT’S ABOUT WHAT IS INSIDE. WHAT DOES HIS HEART LOOK LIKE????

–Ro

UNHAPPINESS: WE BRING IT ON OURSELVES!!!

Disclaimer: By no means do I proclaim to be an expert. I’m just a woman with experiences. The experiences of pain, betrayal, triumph, failure, laughter, and sadness. I have felt it all. I won’t throw myself a pity party and say I’ve had a bad life. It’s been just the contrary; I have had a great life. If my life were a portrait, it would be a beautifully painted picture of the world with minor mistakes made by the painter. Those mistakes in the portrait represent the many downs I have had in a life that I consider to be a pretty happy one. My valley experiences are what qualify me to author this post. I came up with the concept for this particular blog post when I realized that most of the bad things I have gone through in my life were a direct result of a bad decision I had made. I saw a pattern: I made poor decisions and I suffered the natural consequence that was associated with that decision.  The purpose of this post isn’t to blame every woman for every bad situation that she has. However, I would like  to make women cognizant of the fact that sometimes it’s not the world against us (as we often say), it’s US AGAINST US. A woman’s biggest enemy, her biggest hindrance, and her biggest burden is often herself. How, you might ask? Keep reading and discover how I THINK a woman can and most times will be her own demise.

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I’ve often heard men and women say “Men have it easier” when it comes to relationships. That is the biggest load of malarkey I have ever heard. In actuality men have it much harder because they are in a lose-lose situation. Men are doomed because they are more likely than not charged with the task of pleasing a woman who does not know what it takes to please herself. Women are peculiar creatures with peculiar ways. Very few people, if any, have been able to successfully determine why a woman is so complex. This complexity in women, in my opinion,  makes women more powerful. Well one might ask if women are so powerful, then why are the woes of a woman so magnanimous? Women want to know way they have it so hard? Why they are on the losing end of the relationship game. Women wonder why they are seen as weak, nagging, emotional beings? The answer to each of those questions is quite simple. Although women are quite powerful, they have it so hard because they make a cycle of mistakes that diminishes their God-given power and causes them to be that weak individual that they are perpetually labeled as. The mistakes that women make in relationships are not exclusive to a certain race, pay grade, or body type; ALL WOMEN INCLUDING ME have done one of these things at one point in their lives. In fact, I think I am still making some of these mistakes.  Before I list the mistakes, I think I should warn  you AGAIN that I am no expert, I am just a woman who is willing to admit that most of the time, I am the sole cause of my unhappiness. Can you admit the same ladies?  I will list and briefly describe the top mistakes that I think women make which leave us powerless and hurt.

1.  Not making men afford us: I think that we give too much of ourselves too soon and require too little.  A man will not willingly do what is not required of him.  We will not require a man to do “manly” things and then get mad when he does them for someone else.  Well maybe she required them.  If you give a man the easy way out, he will take it.  If there is a man in your life, then why are you pumping your own gas, why is he not taking your garbage out, why are you worrying about how your car will get fixed or cleaned?  (This is definitely one I had to learn the hard way.)

2.  Competing with other women: The moment you felt you had to compete, you had already lost.  Furthermore, why are you competing with Sarah when he is likely interested in Jane too.  I mean really there is nothing you can beat this woman at doing to make him stop pursuing her if that is what he wants to do.  I mean a man cheated on Halle Berry and who can hold a candle to her.  Stop using your energy competing with a woman while the man is using his energy toward that very same woman and others.

3.  Trying to please everyone: You will not please everyone; stop trying.  It is okay to make a decision that makes you happy.  THE END!!!

4.  Thinking that we can love a man into loving us: A man will soak up all your love and give his to the person he loves.  You can cook, clean, and fulfill other needs, and he will reap all those benefits AND STILL NOT LOVE YOU. You can not make a man love you and you can not stop a man who loves you from loving you.

5. Being committed to a single man: This one is self-explanatory! I have been there and done that.  Let’s just say it is not a good feeling. If he is living like he is single, then you should be too.  I am not suggesting that you sleep around, but I am saying quit giving him relationship privileges when he is clearly not committed to you.

6.  Investing time in the wrong things: Why is it that you don’t know how many books there are in the Bible, but you know how many followers your boyfriend’s  side chick has on Instagram.  Need I say more?

I really hope my unimportant opinion helped at least one person. Ha! I hope that writing this helped ME.  I am also a work in progress, but ladies we have to get it together if we ever want to be happy. Pray for my strength as I pray for yours.

–Ro

Trying Out this Blogging Thing

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I decided to create a blog just because I love to write so much. I take too much pleasure in writing not to share my passion with the world.  I felt that during those sleepless nights, I could share with the world those odd things I think about. For example, right now I am wondering how the hamburger got its name when ham is pork not beef. Shouldn’t it be called a steak burger or a cow burger or a cattle burger.  Yes, I was actually thinking that right at that very moment, and the sad part is that it is something that I truly want to know the answer to.  I think I will open another tab and google that as we speak. Anyway, back to something important, when thinking about what I would blog about, I thought of relationships, but obviously that was a no go because I have not been very successful in that area.  I thought of religion, but obviously God is yet working on me, so maybe I would not be the one to take spiritual advice from either.  I thought about fashion, but I mean all I can say is that I adore shoes, and I love it when my clothes fit. I even thought about education, but I chose to keep my career a separate entity.  So, what will I talk about in this blog? I don’t know.  What exactly is my niche? What does the Holy Spirit want me to share??? I’m still working on getting an answer, so right now I will start by sharing just a little of this and a little of that, and maybe I will find some direction later. Please don’t be alarmed by my random spirit.  I’m a very opinionated person, and I plan to sugar coat NOTHING.  Please take my opinion with a grain of salt because I am only an expert at knowing when subjects and verbs agree. I am just a real person with real opinions on real life. Take it or leave it.  Happy Reading.  Talk to you soon…..RO