Take Care of You: You Deserve YOU

I haven’t blogged in a while, but a crazy week has made me want to share a message with you.  I have been feeling like I’m in the world alone for the past few days.  My friends have been there, my family has been there, I interact with people at work, but I’m yet feeling like I’m in a bubble and not connected to anyone. This is because I have lost the connection that I once had with myself.  I am a nurturer by nature.  If you are sick, I want to give you medicine.  If you are sad, I want to make you laugh.  If you are hungry, I want to feed you.  However, in the midst of nurturing and loving, I lost ROSHAWNDA. Am I sad? No. But what I am is a stranger to myself.  I think the reason is because I spend so much time trying to balance the normal woes of my own life as well as the woes of those around me that I have become a casualty. As women, we want to fix everything. We want to be the best mom, aunt, wife, girlfriend, sister, friend, etc. and we tend to fall short because we have not taken the time to remember that you were you before you were anything else. You came first so you come first.  People notice your change when your physical appearance changes.  How many times have you heard a person say “ooooh she let herself go?” But me? I look the same, yet I have let myself go.  My emotional appearance isn’t the same.  Am I depressed? NO But, I am just simply not connected to ROSHAWNDA in the way that I should be.  I’m telling you this because I want you to continue to be as awesome as you are, but include yourself on your priority list.  Including you and taking care of you will help you to better take care of all the people that need you.  You can’t give anyone else 100% until you give yourself 1, 000.  This is a daily struggle for me.  So I am making a promise to myself to strengthen my emotional appearance so that I can be a better friend, sister, niece, granddaughter, teacher, and more importantly child of GOD. It is so easy to get caught up into everyone else that you forget to care about you.  I’m not saying be selfish; just try to remember that you matter too.  And nobody else on Earth can cater to your needs the way that you can. I have decided to make a plan to devote time each week to myself in isolation.  ISOLATION: meaning unplugged from social media, not texting in group texts, and just alone with me and my thought mediating on what is and not what I want it to be. I will spend this time thinking about how to be a better RO.   See, the scary thing is that if I continue to be invisible to myself, I will always be invisible to others.  I can’t have that and neither can you.  Don’t neglect you. Sometimes the only person hindering you from happiness is you.  Claim your happy back.  Take back your peace.  Rejoice in rejection. Know that you can’t do it all and you were not put here to. Cry if you need to just don’t fall apart.   You are not a robot.  You get to be not okay. You have the right to want more.  You need sleep. You need food.  You need peace of mind.  You deserve the luxury of pampering yourself mentally and physically. Most importantly, you deserve YOU!   It is okay to say no. It is okay to not have time.  It is okay to want to be better.  Bottom line: if you don’t take the time to know the person you see in the mirror, then you are worthless to others. I challenge you to find a day that is just for you.  Give no thought to issues that have nothing to do with you.  After all our souls weren’t saved by a woman, they were saved by a baby of the male gender and clearly you and I don’t fit that mold. We can’t save people no matter how hard we want to try.  This (whatever it is) is not your fight.  Chin up and know that it’s okay and that you are AMAZING.

~ ROdownload

Advertisements

LOVING YOU!!!

Very few women, if any, will admit that they are always looking for ways to improve themselves. We will spend hundreds for the latest tone correcting makeup, hundreds for the latest bundles of non-shedding/non tangling foreign hair, hundreds for the latest fashions (handbags and designer shoes). For most women, life is merely about being the best version of themselves that they can be. Enough is never enough. We want to look good, feel good, smell good, and most importantly be good.

The sad truth here though is that there is not a shoe on the market that can truly make you feel good. There is not a lipstick sold that can truly make you be the best you that you can be. Shoes, and we know how much a woman loves a good pair of shoes, can honestly and sincerely fill those gaping holes that we feel when the makeup comes off. See the real truth is that feeling good is a matter of the heart. If you are not emotionally and spiritually feeling good then the outer appearance is just an expensive façade that can never make you feel complete.

To really feel complete, to really feel whole you have to be your own best friend. You have to be your own lover because the truth you really don’t love anyone else if you don’t love you. You are not anyone’s friend if you are not your own friend. When you are completely and utterly in love with yourself, then the harsh blows of the world won’t be as painful.

I know from experience that the best kind of love is self-love. Self-love helps you to be able to comfort yourself when things didn’t go as planned. When you are disappointed you can dust yourself off and fearlessly try again when you really love yourself because there is no fear in love. You can forgive and not hold grudges when you love yourself. You can smile for no reason, dance randomly in the grocery store, shamelessly listen to trap music and not feel judged because when you love yourself, nobody’s opinion of you even matters. (Yes I dance in the grocery store. I mean full fledge twerking!)

Life happens, and you will fail, you will be heartbroken, someone will hurt you, you will cry, you will fall; however, you can bounce back so hard when you choose to love you. Your enemies will even have to say “she’s not my favorite person, but she’s happy.” This happiness will show whether you have on $500 shoes or $5 shoes. This happiness will show whether you are single or have a man who adores you. The most important part of intrinsic happiness is that NOBODY CAN TAKE IT FROM YOU!

I urge you to choose you. Remove things from your life that hurt. Forgive those people who hurt you; try to understand their plight. Be happy. Smile. Love. If feels so good. The best thing a woman can do for herself is choose to love herself. Undeniably, the second best thing is to buy a nice pair of shoes. You may as well look good while loving you.

I NEED HIM TO HAVE A HANDSOME HEART!!!!

beauty-is-only-skin-deep-beauty-quote

The inspiration for this post came from a conversation that I recently had with a dear friend. She told me that she has an issue dating a man who does not look a certain way. Meaning, that he has to dress a certain way and look a certain way. This friend went on to say that she thinks the “less attractive” men are nicer and more willing to cater to women, but she just wasn’t sure that she could be completely devoted to a man who was not as easy on her eyes as she would like for him to be. It is safe to say that this friend is single, and still waiting on her “eye candy.” Now, having had this conversation, I am wondering how many women agree with the sentiments of my friend. Exactly how many women are missing out on their husbands, soul mates, and God-anointed life partners because he did not have the charisma (swag) that she likes or is accustomed to? Have I been ignoring my husband because I did not like his shoes?? (If I have, Lord send him back!!!)

I’ll be the first to admit that I would love to wake up day and night to Denzel, Idris, or Floyd, but the reality of the situation is that this fantasy is not always real life.

Many women say that they are praying for a husband, but they turn down every man who does not have on expensive shoes and clothes. How do you know that you are not ignoring your husband every single day? How can you be sure that your husband is not that guy that you laughed at or gave the wrong number? I’d be willing to bet that sometimes when we pray for that husband, God shakes his head and says “I sent him to you, but you didn’t like his swag!” Poor women! Please be mindful that your blessing may not always be packaged exactly like you would like for it to. Look at the man’s heart. The most important part is HOW HE TREATS YOU. A million dollar diamond wrapped in a soiled diaper is still more valuable than cubic zirconia wrapped perfectly with a ribbon on top. It is what’s on the inside that matters. Beauty fades, but a kind heart will still be there. Women should long for a man who honors her from head to toe regardless of how he looks or dresses.

Now whatever you do, PLEASE don’t misinterpret me by leaving this post thinking that I wouldn’t prefer a husband that I find physically attractive; however, the older I get the less I am concerned with his outer appearance. Give me a good heart over good looks any day; I can pick his clothes and shoes. LOL.

Bottom line: everyone is entitled to be attracted to what they are attracted to, and the heart wants what the heart wants, but I will leave you with this thought:

A brand new BENZ with a defaulted engine is not going to get you as far as an old beat up FORD with a good engine. IT’S ABOUT WHAT IS INSIDE. WHAT DOES HIS HEART LOOK LIKE????

–Ro