So, I recently posted my opinion on what I thought cheating did to women. Since then, I have thought more about it, and I came to the conclusion that there was a much more long lasting affect that I did not include in my initial post. I would be doing myself as well as other women an injustice to not address this. I would have to say that the main effect that being cheated on has on a woman is that it NEGATIVELY AFFECTS HER FUTURE RELATIONSHIPS AND EFFORTS AT RELATIONSHIPS. See when a woman is cheated on, she throws all men in the category with man who cheated on her. She is defensive and guarded. She cannot properly give love or receive it because her trust is shot. She does not believe that this time will be any different and that is the way she treats any man that approaches her. When something good comes her way, she questions it or sabotages it because she subconsciously believes that it is indeed too good to be true. For example, if a guy comes in and does all the things that the woman was not getting in the previous relationship, she is prone to think he is fake or just putting on. In a new relationship, a woman who has been hurt is just sitting around waiting on this guy’s true colors to appear.
The issue with this is that not all men are the same, and just because you had a bad experience with a guy, you cannot allow that experience to determine how you view and treat every other man that comes in your life. Not everybody is out to use and abuse you. There are some good men left, but you will never find him if you are still living in the dust of what happened to you.
Now, I am not saying that you should not be careful and pay attention to early signs, but you cannot allow what happened to you to determine what will happen to you. Treating a new man according to how an unfaithful ex treated you is allowing the very person who hurt you to control your life. If he is a factor in your decision making when dating, then he is still winning. HE IS STILL RULING YOUR LIFE EVEN IN HIS ABSENCE. Don’t give him that power. Does he deserve it? Moreover, what you are really doing is running a potentially good guy away. You will never be happy if you just refuse to let go of what happened to you. Again, not all men are the same.
If you find yourself getting the same types of men, then that says something about your taste in men rather than the character of all men.
Ok, so you had a bad relationship. It happens. Bounce back! Get over it. Dust yourself off, and try to love again. You are capable of giving and receiving real love. It can happen. Don’t give up on it or ruin it because you were hurt.
Many people feel that it is a great insult and offense for someone to cause them to waste their money. I have even heard people say, “The worst thing you can do to me is waste my money!” I disagree. The ultimate betrayal that can be done to a person is wasting their time. Wasted time, in my opinion, is one of the biggest losses you can suffer.
If someone wastes my money, then I can work harder and earn EVERY CENT back. No real damage has been done. However, if someone wastes my time, there is no task I can do, no second job I can take up, no side hustle I can perform to get my wasted time back. Once my time is wasted, it is lost forever. The damage done there is beyond repair.
I charge you to be careful with your time. Don’t allow people to waste it, and more importantly don’t you waste it. You will never get it back. What you don’t want to do is find yourself looking back and thinking what you could have been doing, would have been doing, or should have been doing had you not been wasting your time. Think about it.
One thing that I have always struggled with is forgiveness. I must admit that I always had two struggles with forgiveness. I either didn’t want to forgive, or I didn’t know how to forgive. For years, I toiled with the burden of not forgiving people who had hurt me. I didn’t hold grudges or treat people badly, but I always held a mental note of what the person had done to me. I called this a burden because I was the person who was constantly thinking about the hurt when the person who had done it had probably forgotten about it a long time ago. In addition, to holding a mental note, I also had to constantly remind people of what they did to me or how they hurt me. So here I am bitter and mad because I’m still carrying around someone else’s guilt. I didn’t do the damage so I shouldn’t be carrying around the guilt from it.
Another thing I had to learn was that if you aren’t going to forgive a person who wronged you then you should just leave that person completely alone. This is especially true in relationships. For example, if your significant others wrongs you, then you have two options. You can forgive and stay, or you can not forgive and leave. If you can’t forgive that person, then you cannot properly love the person. Love does not keep record of wrong doing, so how can you love a person if you keep bringing up something that they did to you? You have to make a choice, and if staying is your choice than you can’t bring that hurt with you. Bringing old baggage with you hinders you from loving like you are otherwise capable of loving, and that’s not fair to you or your mate.
Now, if you have been hurt beyond repair and you feel you need to leave, then do that. However, leave that baggage behind too. It is possible to forgive a person and leave them. Forgiveness does not mean you have to rekindle the relationship. Forgive the person so that you can be free. Forgiveness is not for the person who hurt you; it’s for YOU!!! A person who hurt you does not have the right to be in your life after his or her time has expired. As long as you don’t forgive, you keep that person in your mind and in your heart, and you can never properly move on. If you want a fresh start, then try forgiving. You’ll thank yourself for it later.
Forgiveness means letting it go. Forgiveness means not bashing a person every chance you get (even though it may feel good doing so), forgiveness means living your life for you, forgiveness means keeping no record of things done to you. Forgiveness means truly leaving the past in the past.
If you find yourself weighed down with hurt from the past, do your SOUL a favor and FORGIVE!!!
I was in a public place not very long ago, and I heard a lady say, “they talking about my shoes ugly; people always hating on me!” I instantly looked back at her shoes, and sure enough, I didn’t like her shoes AT ALL! I think it’s funny that we live in a society where anytime a person goes against what we are doing then they are automatically hating on us!!!!! Truth is there is a fine line between someone hating on you, and someone being truthful with you.
I think that a lot of issues in our lives intensify because we are not open to taking constructive criticism. Sometimes we are blinded by our own faults and need an outside person to tell us the truth. That criticism could be coming from a place intended to make us better. It doesn’t mean that the messenger is a “hater” maybe they just care enough to be honest. For example, the other day my mother told me my pants were too little. It offended the heck out of me, but when I looked in the mirror, I had to admit that she was completely right!!! If your loved ones can’t be honest with you, then tell me who can???
Nobody is perfect, and there is always room for improvement. If your bestie or bae offers you no constructive criticism, then he or she is lying to you. A loved one should push you to become the best version of you that you can be even if that means shedding light on some of those harsh truths. The Bible even said that a wise man accepts advice! When you’re criticized, don’t get mad. Don’t reject that criticism; it could be helping you to get to exactly where you need to be. Analyze the source of the criticism and use is as motivation to become better.
True enough some things come from a negative place, but that should even encourage you to keep grinding and accomplishing your goals. Take that criticism that comes from a negative place and use it as an excuse to really be all that you can be. THEN YOU MIGHT REALLY HAVE SOME HATERS!!!!
Bottom line, not every one will like you or what you’re doing and some will speak negatively of you. However, there are those people who care about you and want to see you improve, so they offer feedback and constructive criticism. Even on your best day there is room for improvement. NOT EVERYBODY IS HATING ON YOU!!!
If you aren’t being criticized, then chances are YOU ARE NOT DOING ANYTHING. I’d rather be criticized for my efforts than ignored because I’m not even worth talking about. What about you??
A while ago, I had a friend to vent to be about something her boyfriend was doing that she did not like. She said he did it quite frequently, and that it really bothered her. I immediately asked her what he said when she told him she didn’t like it. She laughed and admitted to me that she had decided not to mention it to him. I told her that she was to blame and not him. You just can’t hold something against someone when you haven’t communicated with them. NO ONE CAN READ YOUR MIND!!!
This conversation made me realize that I also ignore things that should be addressed. I wonder why women find it so difficult to fend for themselves in relationships. Shouldn’t it be easy to communicate with a person you’re in love with. Now we can tell you what you should say to your man, but we are quiet as church mice in our own homes.
I think that women are, by nature, quite protective people. We will put you in your place without thought if you have gotten out of line with someone or something we love. Mess with a woman’s mother or her child and find out just how lethal she can be. The peculiar thing to me is that I often notice that we aren’t as protective of ourselves. The same lady who would snap your neck about her child will become totally silent when it comes to defending herself. I find this to be especially true in relationships. A woman will be bothered by something her spouse is doing, and she will just ignore it rather than verbalizing her true feelings on the matter.
The issue with ignoring things that bother you is that those small issues tend to fester. They don’t go away or fix themselves just because you decided to maintain the peace in your relationship by not addressing it. In fact, because you didn’t address it, you gave your significant other the idea that everything was fine. This means that more likely than not he will do whatever it was that bothered you again. After all, you haven’t told him that anything was wrong.
The big issue is that the more you ignore things, the more they pile up. The more they pile up, the more bitterness and resentment you carry inside. Allow me to tell you that resentment is HEAVY. IT WILL WEIGH YOU DOWN! Wouldn’t it just be easier to speak up for yourself and say how you feel? Now I’m not telling you to become a nagging, picking pain in a man’s side, but I am saying speak up for yourself. Express yourself and tell how these things make you feel. Because the truth of the matter is when you do something that he doesn’t like or agree with, HE IS GOING TO LET YOU KNOW, and let’s just face it when he lets you know you’re going to try to adjust because you want to maintain the peace. So, why can’t he adjust for you? Speak up for yourself. Don’t let things build up. Don’t wait until you are too fed up to have a productive conversation. When you have let things go too far and have become angry and belligerent, you are not being heard. In fact, he is not even listening to you. Communication on the front end can help alleviate issues before they become cancerous to your relationship.
Speak up for you. Protect your own peace. Say what you feel. Things will only get worse if you don’t express your feelings. Don’t let that little itch become an unbearable rash.