Extension of my Recent Blog

  So, I recently posted my opinion on what I thought cheating did to women. Since then, I have thought more about it, and I came to the conclusion that there was a much more long lasting affect that I did not include in my initial post. I would be doing myself as well as other women an injustice to not address this. I would have to say that the main effect that being cheated on has on a woman is that it NEGATIVELY AFFECTS HER FUTURE RELATIONSHIPS AND EFFORTS AT RELATIONSHIPS. See when a woman is cheated on, she throws all men in the category with man who cheated on her. She is defensive and guarded. She cannot properly give love or receive it because her trust is shot. She does not believe that this time will be any different and that is the way she treats any man that approaches her. When something good comes her way, she questions it or sabotages it because she subconsciously believes that it is indeed too good to be true. For example, if a guy comes in and does all the things that the woman was not getting in the previous relationship, she is prone to think he is fake or just putting on. In a new relationship, a woman who has been hurt is just sitting around waiting on this guy’s true colors to appear. 

The issue with this is that not all men are the same, and just because you had a bad experience with a guy, you cannot allow that experience to determine how you view and treat every other man that comes in your life. Not everybody is out to use and abuse you. There are some good men left, but you will never find him if you are still living in the dust of what happened to you.

Now, I am not saying that you should not be careful and pay attention to early signs, but you cannot allow what happened to you to determine what will happen to you. Treating a new man according to how an unfaithful ex treated you is allowing the very person who hurt you to control your life. If he is a factor in your decision making when dating, then he is still winning. HE IS STILL RULING YOUR LIFE EVEN IN HIS ABSENCE. Don’t give him that power. Does he deserve it? Moreover, what you are really doing is running a potentially good guy away. You will never be happy if you just refuse to let go of what happened to you. Again, not all men are the same. 

If you find yourself getting the same types of men, then that says something about your taste in men rather than the character of all men. 

Ok, so you had a bad relationship. It happens. Bounce back! Get over it. Dust yourself off, and try to love again. You are capable of giving and receiving real love. It can happen. Don’t give up on it or ruin it because you were hurt.  

~Ro

 

  

 

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YOU MADE YOUR BED….HOPE IT’S COMFY

Life is about choices.  You are free to make the choices that you want to make in life.  You are free to choose left or right.  You are free to choose to lie or tell the truth.  You are free to date who you please.  You are free to inflict pain or pleasure.  You are totally free in your decision making.  However, decision making is one of the most expensive freedoms that you have.  Making decisions is indeed a gamble, because although you are free to make choices, you are not free to choose the consequences associated with those choices.  You can choose to be disloyal to a person, but you cannot choose how that person will respond to your disloyalty.  You can even choose to have a child, but you cannot choose what that child will look like, act like, or be like.  When it comes to consequences you are totally POWERLESS and all your efforts to shape consequences are futile.  I said all of that to say this: you have to be careful about the bed that you are making, especially if it is one you are not sure you will be comfortable laying in.  You cannot keep making decisions and then running from the consequences of those decisions.  Sometimes you have to bite the bullet and say “hey I caused this, so let me deal with it.” Life does not afford you any rewinds or do over’s, so sometimes you have to focus on getting it right the first time.  If you attempt to make good heartfelt decisions, then you are less likely to be running, sad, and afraid when it is time to pay the piper.