I haven’t blogged in a while, but a crazy week has made me want to share a message with you. I have been feeling like I’m in the world alone for the past few days. My friends have been there, my family has been there, I interact with people at work, but I’m yet feeling like I’m in a bubble and not connected to anyone. This is because I have lost the connection that I once had with myself. I am a nurturer by nature. If you are sick, I want to give you medicine. If you are sad, I want to make you laugh. If you are hungry, I want to feed you. However, in the midst of nurturing and loving, I lost ROSHAWNDA. Am I sad? No. But what I am is a stranger to myself. I think the reason is because I spend so much time trying to balance the normal woes of my own life as well as the woes of those around me that I have become a casualty. As women, we want to fix everything. We want to be the best mom, aunt, wife, girlfriend, sister, friend, etc. and we tend to fall short because we have not taken the time to remember that you were you before you were anything else. You came first so you come first. People notice your change when your physical appearance changes. How many times have you heard a person say “ooooh she let herself go?” But me? I look the same, yet I have let myself go. My emotional appearance isn’t the same. Am I depressed? NO But, I am just simply not connected to ROSHAWNDA in the way that I should be. I’m telling you this because I want you to continue to be as awesome as you are, but include yourself on your priority list. Including you and taking care of you will help you to better take care of all the people that need you. You can’t give anyone else 100% until you give yourself 1, 000. This is a daily struggle for me. So I am making a promise to myself to strengthen my emotional appearance so that I can be a better friend, sister, niece, granddaughter, teacher, and more importantly child of GOD. It is so easy to get caught up into everyone else that you forget to care about you. I’m not saying be selfish; just try to remember that you matter too. And nobody else on Earth can cater to your needs the way that you can. I have decided to make a plan to devote time each week to myself in isolation. ISOLATION: meaning unplugged from social media, not texting in group texts, and just alone with me and my thought mediating on what is and not what I want it to be. I will spend this time thinking about how to be a better RO. See, the scary thing is that if I continue to be invisible to myself, I will always be invisible to others. I can’t have that and neither can you. Don’t neglect you. Sometimes the only person hindering you from happiness is you. Claim your happy back. Take back your peace. Rejoice in rejection. Know that you can’t do it all and you were not put here to. Cry if you need to just don’t fall apart. You are not a robot. You get to be not okay. You have the right to want more. You need sleep. You need food. You need peace of mind. You deserve the luxury of pampering yourself mentally and physically. Most importantly, you deserve YOU! It is okay to say no. It is okay to not have time. It is okay to want to be better. Bottom line: if you don’t take the time to know the person you see in the mirror, then you are worthless to others. I challenge you to find a day that is just for you. Give no thought to issues that have nothing to do with you. After all our souls weren’t saved by a woman, they were saved by a baby of the male gender and clearly you and I don’t fit that mold. We can’t save people no matter how hard we want to try. This (whatever it is) is not your fight. Chin up and know that it’s okay and that you are AMAZING.
Many people feel that it is a great insult and offense for someone to cause them to waste their money. I have even heard people say, “The worst thing you can do to me is waste my money!” I disagree. The ultimate betrayal that can be done to a person is wasting their time. Wasted time, in my opinion, is one of the biggest losses you can suffer.
If someone wastes my money, then I can work harder and earn EVERY CENT back. No real damage has been done. However, if someone wastes my time, there is no task I can do, no second job I can take up, no side hustle I can perform to get my wasted time back. Once my time is wasted, it is lost forever. The damage done there is beyond repair.
I charge you to be careful with your time. Don’t allow people to waste it, and more importantly don’t you waste it. You will never get it back. What you don’t want to do is find yourself looking back and thinking what you could have been doing, would have been doing, or should have been doing had you not been wasting your time. Think about it.
Most of my life I had one defense mechanism: seeing things the way I wanted them to be rather than seeing them the way they were. I got by because I ignored what was and delighted in making things what I thought they should be. At best, I can say I spent a lot of my time pretending. Now, I knew the reality of things, but it was so much easier to deal with my sugar coated version of affairs. I’ll give you an example!!!! If someone was mean to me, I tuned it out, and I focused only on moments when they were more pleasant. Most of my friends would be like, “I don’t see how you do it?” I knew exactly what they would be referring to, but I’d still focus on the way I wanted things to be. Now that’s good in its place. However, there is a time when facing reality is important. Ignoring the problem just won’t make it go away. Seeing only the bright side won’t cast away the dark times. Sometimes you have to man up, take those blinders off, and face things just like they are.
One thing that I have always struggled with is forgiveness. I must admit that I always had two struggles with forgiveness. I either didn’t want to forgive, or I didn’t know how to forgive. For years, I toiled with the burden of not forgiving people who had hurt me. I didn’t hold grudges or treat people badly, but I always held a mental note of what the person had done to me. I called this a burden because I was the person who was constantly thinking about the hurt when the person who had done it had probably forgotten about it a long time ago. In addition, to holding a mental note, I also had to constantly remind people of what they did to me or how they hurt me. So here I am bitter and mad because I’m still carrying around someone else’s guilt. I didn’t do the damage so I shouldn’t be carrying around the guilt from it.
Another thing I had to learn was that if you aren’t going to forgive a person who wronged you then you should just leave that person completely alone. This is especially true in relationships. For example, if your significant others wrongs you, then you have two options. You can forgive and stay, or you can not forgive and leave. If you can’t forgive that person, then you cannot properly love the person. Love does not keep record of wrong doing, so how can you love a person if you keep bringing up something that they did to you? You have to make a choice, and if staying is your choice than you can’t bring that hurt with you. Bringing old baggage with you hinders you from loving like you are otherwise capable of loving, and that’s not fair to you or your mate.
Now, if you have been hurt beyond repair and you feel you need to leave, then do that. However, leave that baggage behind too. It is possible to forgive a person and leave them. Forgiveness does not mean you have to rekindle the relationship. Forgive the person so that you can be free. Forgiveness is not for the person who hurt you; it’s for YOU!!! A person who hurt you does not have the right to be in your life after his or her time has expired. As long as you don’t forgive, you keep that person in your mind and in your heart, and you can never properly move on. If you want a fresh start, then try forgiving. You’ll thank yourself for it later.
Forgiveness means letting it go. Forgiveness means not bashing a person every chance you get (even though it may feel good doing so), forgiveness means living your life for you, forgiveness means keeping no record of things done to you. Forgiveness means truly leaving the past in the past.
If you find yourself weighed down with hurt from the past, do your SOUL a favor and FORGIVE!!!
I was in a public place not very long ago, and I heard a lady say, “they talking about my shoes ugly; people always hating on me!” I instantly looked back at her shoes, and sure enough, I didn’t like her shoes AT ALL! I think it’s funny that we live in a society where anytime a person goes against what we are doing then they are automatically hating on us!!!!! Truth is there is a fine line between someone hating on you, and someone being truthful with you.
I think that a lot of issues in our lives intensify because we are not open to taking constructive criticism. Sometimes we are blinded by our own faults and need an outside person to tell us the truth. That criticism could be coming from a place intended to make us better. It doesn’t mean that the messenger is a “hater” maybe they just care enough to be honest. For example, the other day my mother told me my pants were too little. It offended the heck out of me, but when I looked in the mirror, I had to admit that she was completely right!!! If your loved ones can’t be honest with you, then tell me who can???
Nobody is perfect, and there is always room for improvement. If your bestie or bae offers you no constructive criticism, then he or she is lying to you. A loved one should push you to become the best version of you that you can be even if that means shedding light on some of those harsh truths. The Bible even said that a wise man accepts advice! When you’re criticized, don’t get mad. Don’t reject that criticism; it could be helping you to get to exactly where you need to be. Analyze the source of the criticism and use is as motivation to become better.
True enough some things come from a negative place, but that should even encourage you to keep grinding and accomplishing your goals. Take that criticism that comes from a negative place and use it as an excuse to really be all that you can be. THEN YOU MIGHT REALLY HAVE SOME HATERS!!!!
Bottom line, not every one will like you or what you’re doing and some will speak negatively of you. However, there are those people who care about you and want to see you improve, so they offer feedback and constructive criticism. Even on your best day there is room for improvement. NOT EVERYBODY IS HATING ON YOU!!!
If you aren’t being criticized, then chances are YOU ARE NOT DOING ANYTHING. I’d rather be criticized for my efforts than ignored because I’m not even worth talking about. What about you??