Recently a friend asked me what I thought cheating did to a woman! Hmph it’s a pretty touchy subject, and I was hesitant to write about it because I didn’t want anybody who cheats or has cheated to feel that I was throwing a rock at them. Moreover, I didn’t want my ex to feel that he was the muse for this blog, but you know what? If it hadn’t happened to me, then I wouldn’t be able to write about it. So here goes nothing. The question is
“How does cheating really affect women?”
My answer is simple: it ruins her. Even if for just a moment, being cheated on ruins a woman. Yes, she can bounce back and be herself again, but damage is indeed done. Let me share a few facts with you. Most women will agree; those who don’t either haven’t been cheated on or aren’t being honest
1. Cheating is much more than sex. Who really cares that you had sex with someone else? If it was just about the sex, then trust me we’d get over it much faster. Cheating is about the thought you put behind deceiving your spouse. It’s about the time and energy you stole. It’s about what went lacking at home while you were out doing who knows what with who knows whom. Cheating is the multiple times you lied without thinking about it. It’s about the way you left your spouse open and unprotected to be the butt of jokes and ridicule. See, the worst part of cheating does not happen in the bedroom. It happens long before you made it there.
2. Cheating causes a woman to question her worth. Regardless of how hard we try, we begin to wonder why we were not fulfilling enough or what we could have done differently. We lose a sense of self all because our spouse chose to cheat.
3. Cheating takes away a woman’s security. It makes her feel like she always have to be on the defense. We subconsciously feel that the world is against us.
4. Cheating makes a woman question her intelligence, especially when we stay. We wonder how we could be dumb enough to tolerate such treatment. However, when we leave we feel like a failure.
5. Lastly, cheating causes a woman to hate other women. Although, the woman owes us no loyalty, we find ourselves being bitter toward the woman. I mean let’s face it, we downright tend to despise the women.
I already know a lot of women will say these things didn’t happen to them and somehow they miraculously bounce back. Ha! Stop it. Show me a woman who wasn’t ruined by cheating and I’ll show you a woman who was cheating too.
The inspiration for this post came from a conversation that I recently had with a dear friend. She told me that she has an issue dating a man who does not look a certain way. Meaning, that he has to dress a certain way and look a certain way. This friend went on to say that she thinks the “less attractive” men are nicer and more willing to cater to women, but she just wasn’t sure that she could be completely devoted to a man who was not as easy on her eyes as she would like for him to be. It is safe to say that this friend is single, and still waiting on her “eye candy.” Now, having had this conversation, I am wondering how many women agree with the sentiments of my friend. Exactly how many women are missing out on their husbands, soul mates, and God-anointed life partners because he did not have the charisma (swag) that she likes or is accustomed to? Have I been ignoring my husband because I did not like his shoes?? (If I have, Lord send him back!!!)
I’ll be the first to admit that I would love to wake up day and night to Denzel, Idris, or Floyd, but the reality of the situation is that this fantasy is not always real life.
Many women say that they are praying for a husband, but they turn down every man who does not have on expensive shoes and clothes. How do you know that you are not ignoring your husband every single day? How can you be sure that your husband is not that guy that you laughed at or gave the wrong number? I’d be willing to bet that sometimes when we pray for that husband, God shakes his head and says “I sent him to you, but you didn’t like his swag!” Poor women! Please be mindful that your blessing may not always be packaged exactly like you would like for it to. Look at the man’s heart. The most important part is HOW HE TREATS YOU. A million dollar diamond wrapped in a soiled diaper is still more valuable than cubic zirconia wrapped perfectly with a ribbon on top. It is what’s on the inside that matters. Beauty fades, but a kind heart will still be there. Women should long for a man who honors her from head to toe regardless of how he looks or dresses.
Now whatever you do, PLEASE don’t misinterpret me by leaving this post thinking that I wouldn’t prefer a husband that I find physically attractive; however, the older I get the less I am concerned with his outer appearance. Give me a good heart over good looks any day; I can pick his clothes and shoes. LOL.
Bottom line: everyone is entitled to be attracted to what they are attracted to, and the heart wants what the heart wants, but I will leave you with this thought:
A brand new BENZ with a defaulted engine is not going to get you as far as an old beat up FORD with a good engine. IT’S ABOUT WHAT IS INSIDE. WHAT DOES HIS HEART LOOK LIKE????