Take Care of You: You Deserve YOU

I haven’t blogged in a while, but a crazy week has made me want to share a message with you.  I have been feeling like I’m in the world alone for the past few days.  My friends have been there, my family has been there, I interact with people at work, but I’m yet feeling like I’m in a bubble and not connected to anyone. This is because I have lost the connection that I once had with myself.  I am a nurturer by nature.  If you are sick, I want to give you medicine.  If you are sad, I want to make you laugh.  If you are hungry, I want to feed you.  However, in the midst of nurturing and loving, I lost ROSHAWNDA. Am I sad? No. But what I am is a stranger to myself.  I think the reason is because I spend so much time trying to balance the normal woes of my own life as well as the woes of those around me that I have become a casualty. As women, we want to fix everything. We want to be the best mom, aunt, wife, girlfriend, sister, friend, etc. and we tend to fall short because we have not taken the time to remember that you were you before you were anything else. You came first so you come first.  People notice your change when your physical appearance changes.  How many times have you heard a person say “ooooh she let herself go?” But me? I look the same, yet I have let myself go.  My emotional appearance isn’t the same.  Am I depressed? NO But, I am just simply not connected to ROSHAWNDA in the way that I should be.  I’m telling you this because I want you to continue to be as awesome as you are, but include yourself on your priority list.  Including you and taking care of you will help you to better take care of all the people that need you.  You can’t give anyone else 100% until you give yourself 1, 000.  This is a daily struggle for me.  So I am making a promise to myself to strengthen my emotional appearance so that I can be a better friend, sister, niece, granddaughter, teacher, and more importantly child of GOD. It is so easy to get caught up into everyone else that you forget to care about you.  I’m not saying be selfish; just try to remember that you matter too.  And nobody else on Earth can cater to your needs the way that you can. I have decided to make a plan to devote time each week to myself in isolation.  ISOLATION: meaning unplugged from social media, not texting in group texts, and just alone with me and my thought mediating on what is and not what I want it to be. I will spend this time thinking about how to be a better RO.   See, the scary thing is that if I continue to be invisible to myself, I will always be invisible to others.  I can’t have that and neither can you.  Don’t neglect you. Sometimes the only person hindering you from happiness is you.  Claim your happy back.  Take back your peace.  Rejoice in rejection. Know that you can’t do it all and you were not put here to. Cry if you need to just don’t fall apart.   You are not a robot.  You get to be not okay. You have the right to want more.  You need sleep. You need food.  You need peace of mind.  You deserve the luxury of pampering yourself mentally and physically. Most importantly, you deserve YOU!   It is okay to say no. It is okay to not have time.  It is okay to want to be better.  Bottom line: if you don’t take the time to know the person you see in the mirror, then you are worthless to others. I challenge you to find a day that is just for you.  Give no thought to issues that have nothing to do with you.  After all our souls weren’t saved by a woman, they were saved by a baby of the male gender and clearly you and I don’t fit that mold. We can’t save people no matter how hard we want to try.  This (whatever it is) is not your fight.  Chin up and know that it’s okay and that you are AMAZING.

~ ROdownload

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Extension of my Recent Blog

  So, I recently posted my opinion on what I thought cheating did to women. Since then, I have thought more about it, and I came to the conclusion that there was a much more long lasting affect that I did not include in my initial post. I would be doing myself as well as other women an injustice to not address this. I would have to say that the main effect that being cheated on has on a woman is that it NEGATIVELY AFFECTS HER FUTURE RELATIONSHIPS AND EFFORTS AT RELATIONSHIPS. See when a woman is cheated on, she throws all men in the category with man who cheated on her. She is defensive and guarded. She cannot properly give love or receive it because her trust is shot. She does not believe that this time will be any different and that is the way she treats any man that approaches her. When something good comes her way, she questions it or sabotages it because she subconsciously believes that it is indeed too good to be true. For example, if a guy comes in and does all the things that the woman was not getting in the previous relationship, she is prone to think he is fake or just putting on. In a new relationship, a woman who has been hurt is just sitting around waiting on this guy’s true colors to appear. 

The issue with this is that not all men are the same, and just because you had a bad experience with a guy, you cannot allow that experience to determine how you view and treat every other man that comes in your life. Not everybody is out to use and abuse you. There are some good men left, but you will never find him if you are still living in the dust of what happened to you.

Now, I am not saying that you should not be careful and pay attention to early signs, but you cannot allow what happened to you to determine what will happen to you. Treating a new man according to how an unfaithful ex treated you is allowing the very person who hurt you to control your life. If he is a factor in your decision making when dating, then he is still winning. HE IS STILL RULING YOUR LIFE EVEN IN HIS ABSENCE. Don’t give him that power. Does he deserve it? Moreover, what you are really doing is running a potentially good guy away. You will never be happy if you just refuse to let go of what happened to you. Again, not all men are the same. 

If you find yourself getting the same types of men, then that says something about your taste in men rather than the character of all men. 

Ok, so you had a bad relationship. It happens. Bounce back! Get over it. Dust yourself off, and try to love again. You are capable of giving and receiving real love. It can happen. Don’t give up on it or ruin it because you were hurt.  

~Ro

 

  

 

How Being Cheated On Affects a Woman!!!

imageRecently a friend asked me what I thought cheating did to a woman! Hmph it’s a pretty touchy subject, and I was hesitant to write about it because I didn’t want anybody who cheats or has cheated to feel that I was throwing a rock at them. Moreover, I didn’t want my ex to feel that he was the muse for this blog, but you know what? If it hadn’t happened to me, then I wouldn’t be able to write about it. So here goes nothing. The question is
“How does cheating really affect women?”

My answer is simple: it ruins her. Even if for just a moment, being cheated on ruins a woman. Yes, she can bounce back and be herself again, but damage is indeed done. Let me share a few facts with you. Most women will agree; those who don’t either haven’t been cheated on or aren’t being honest

1. Cheating is much more than sex. Who really cares that you had sex with someone else? If it was just about the sex, then trust me we’d get over it much faster. Cheating is about the thought you put behind deceiving your spouse. It’s about the time and energy you stole. It’s about what went lacking at home while you were out doing who knows what with who knows whom. Cheating is the multiple times you lied without thinking about it. It’s about the way you left your spouse open and unprotected to be the butt of jokes and ridicule. See, the worst part of cheating does not happen in the bedroom. It happens long before you made it there.
2. Cheating causes a woman to question her worth. Regardless of how hard we try, we begin to wonder why we were not fulfilling enough or what we could have done differently. We lose a sense of self all because our spouse chose to cheat.
3. Cheating takes away a woman’s security. It makes her feel like she always have to be on the defense. We subconsciously feel that the world is against us.
4. Cheating makes a woman question her intelligence, especially when we stay. We wonder how we could be dumb enough to tolerate such treatment. However, when we leave we feel like a failure.
5. Lastly, cheating causes a woman to hate other women. Although, the woman owes us no loyalty, we find ourselves being bitter toward the woman. I mean let’s face it, we downright tend to despise the women.

I already know a lot of women will say these things didn’t happen to them and somehow they miraculously bounce back. Ha! Stop it. Show me a woman who wasn’t ruined by cheating and I’ll show you a woman who was cheating too.

-Ro

Your Time is Precious

Many people feel that it is a great insult and offense for someone to cause them to waste their money. I have even heard people say, “The worst thing you can do to me is waste my money!” I disagree. The ultimate betrayal that can be done to a person is wasting their time. Wasted time, in my opinion, is one of the biggest losses you can suffer.

If someone wastes my money, then I can work harder and earn EVERY CENT back. No real damage has been done. However, if someone wastes my time, there is no task I can do, no second job I can take up, no side hustle I can perform to get my wasted time back. Once my time is wasted, it is lost forever. The damage done there is beyond repair.

I charge you to be careful with your time. Don’t allow people to waste it, and more importantly don’t you waste it. You will never get it back. What you don’t want to do is find yourself looking back and thinking what you could have been doing, would have been doing, or should have been doing had you not been wasting your time. Think about it.

-Ro

Take Your BLINDERS Off….

 Most of my life I had one defense mechanism: seeing things the way I wanted them to be rather than seeing them the way they were. I got by because I ignored what was and delighted in making things what I thought they should be. At best, I can say I spent a lot of my time pretending. Now, I knew the reality of things, but it was so much easier to deal with my sugar coated version of affairs. I’ll give you an example!!!! If someone was mean to me, I tuned it out, and I focused only on moments when they were more pleasant. Most of my friends would be like, “I don’t see how you do it?” I knew exactly what they would be referring to, but I’d still focus on the way I wanted things to be. Now that’s good in its place. However, there is a time when facing reality is important. Ignoring the problem just won’t make it go away. Seeing only the bright side won’t cast away the dark times. Sometimes you have to man up, take those blinders off, and face things just like they are.

Ro-

FORGIVE: It Feels So Good!! 

  

One thing that I have always struggled with is forgiveness. I must admit that I always had two struggles with forgiveness. I either didn’t want to forgive, or I didn’t know how to forgive. For years, I toiled with the burden of not forgiving people who had hurt me. I didn’t hold grudges or treat people badly, but I always held a mental note of what the person had done to me. I called this a burden because I was the person who was constantly thinking about the hurt when the person who had done it had probably forgotten about it a long time ago. In addition, to holding a mental note, I also had to constantly remind people of what they did to me or how they hurt me. So here I am bitter and mad because I’m still carrying around someone else’s guilt. I didn’t do the damage so I shouldn’t be carrying around the guilt from it. 
Another thing I had to learn was that if you aren’t going to forgive a person who wronged you then you should just leave that person completely alone. This is especially true in relationships. For example, if your significant others wrongs you, then you have two options. You can forgive and stay, or you can not forgive and leave. If you can’t forgive that person, then you cannot properly love the person. Love does not keep record of wrong doing, so how can you love a person if you keep bringing up something that they did to you? You have to make a choice, and if staying is your choice than you can’t bring that hurt with you. Bringing old baggage with you hinders you from loving like you are otherwise capable of loving, and that’s not fair to you or your mate. 
Now, if you have been hurt beyond repair and you feel you need to leave, then do that. However, leave that baggage behind too. It is possible to forgive a person and leave them. Forgiveness does not mean you have to rekindle the relationship. Forgive the person so that you can be free. Forgiveness is not for the person who hurt you; it’s for YOU!!! A person who hurt you does not have the right to be in your life after his or her time has expired. As long as you don’t forgive, you keep that person in your mind and in your heart, and you can never properly move on. If you want a fresh start, then try forgiving. You’ll thank yourself for it later. 
Forgiveness means letting it go. Forgiveness means not bashing a person every chance you get (even though it may feel good doing so), forgiveness means living your life for you, forgiveness means keeping no record of things done to you. Forgiveness means truly leaving the past in the past. 
If you find yourself weighed down with hurt from the past, do your SOUL a favor and FORGIVE!!!

–Ro

HOLD ON FOR WHAT??? LET IT GO!!!!

Stickerline-elsa-let-it-go

I think that one of the hardest things in life to do is let go of a bad situation. Letting go is so scary because it requires you to step really far outside of your comfort zone. As long as you hang on to what you are familiar to, you do not have to worry about starting over, learning something new, or becoming acquainted with something all over again. This can go for any walk of life. Sometimes, it is just time to let go. Although holding on may be the most comfortable choice, it may also be the most expensive choice. You are paying for holding on: you are paying with your happiness, your peace of mind, and your mental stability. Is it really worth such a lofty price.

It’s like playing a losing game of tug o’ war, the more you hold on to that rope trying to pull it back to your, the more energy you are wasting and the more physical pain you are causing yourself. You are trying so hard to win the game, but you are not paying attention to the blisters you are creating on hands by tugging on that rope with all your might. It is sad to say, but sometimes you are actually winning when you just let go of the work. You saved some energy and you saved yourself from some unwanted pain.

I hear a lot of people say that they do not let go because they have invested so much time and energy in the situation. For example, people say that they don’t leave relationships because they have put so much into them. However, what does it matter what you put into something if you are not getting anything out? Take all that energy and effort you are putting into a bad situation, and put it into you and your goals. You deserve more than to give you very best effort and it return to your void. Let it go. If you are in a bad situation, letting it go can be one of the healthiest things you can do. You will thank yourself later. You can’t be concerned about what people think or what people will say. There comes a point when you have to make a selfish decision and say, I am doing this for me and NOT       anyone else. People may not always understand your decision, but do they have to live with it?

Letting go allows you to see what could be. When your hold on, you are sometimes stopping yourself from accomplishing all you can accomplish. True enough, you may go from one bad situation to another, but at least you will be able to say that you were brave enough to let go of what had you bound and move on to the unknown. The next situation may not always be a better one, but if you are already in a bad situation what do you really have to lose? You will never know what life has for you until you try. Scared people never changed the world. Let go of a bad situation even if it is all you know and see how easily all you know becomes all you KNEW.

I think that it is impossible to be the BEST YOU that you can be if you are holding one to something that is not good for you. Even on a job, you can’t provide your best work if you are a disgruntled employee. Seek to do things that makes you peaceful and happy, and let go of anything that makes you uneasy, sad or angry. This could mean taking a leap of faith and venturing into unknown, unfamiliar territory. You will survive; it won’t be easy, and in the beginning it won’t be comfortable, but it will be WORTH IT.

Anything that is not helping your grow is tearing you down. Even with your hand in a lion’s mouth, it suggest you sacrifice your hand just to save the rest of you. LET IT GO!!!!

–Ro