Take Care of You: You Deserve YOU

I haven’t blogged in a while, but a crazy week has made me want to share a message with you.  I have been feeling like I’m in the world alone for the past few days.  My friends have been there, my family has been there, I interact with people at work, but I’m yet feeling like I’m in a bubble and not connected to anyone. This is because I have lost the connection that I once had with myself.  I am a nurturer by nature.  If you are sick, I want to give you medicine.  If you are sad, I want to make you laugh.  If you are hungry, I want to feed you.  However, in the midst of nurturing and loving, I lost ROSHAWNDA. Am I sad? No. But what I am is a stranger to myself.  I think the reason is because I spend so much time trying to balance the normal woes of my own life as well as the woes of those around me that I have become a casualty. As women, we want to fix everything. We want to be the best mom, aunt, wife, girlfriend, sister, friend, etc. and we tend to fall short because we have not taken the time to remember that you were you before you were anything else. You came first so you come first.  People notice your change when your physical appearance changes.  How many times have you heard a person say “ooooh she let herself go?” But me? I look the same, yet I have let myself go.  My emotional appearance isn’t the same.  Am I depressed? NO But, I am just simply not connected to ROSHAWNDA in the way that I should be.  I’m telling you this because I want you to continue to be as awesome as you are, but include yourself on your priority list.  Including you and taking care of you will help you to better take care of all the people that need you.  You can’t give anyone else 100% until you give yourself 1, 000.  This is a daily struggle for me.  So I am making a promise to myself to strengthen my emotional appearance so that I can be a better friend, sister, niece, granddaughter, teacher, and more importantly child of GOD. It is so easy to get caught up into everyone else that you forget to care about you.  I’m not saying be selfish; just try to remember that you matter too.  And nobody else on Earth can cater to your needs the way that you can. I have decided to make a plan to devote time each week to myself in isolation.  ISOLATION: meaning unplugged from social media, not texting in group texts, and just alone with me and my thought mediating on what is and not what I want it to be. I will spend this time thinking about how to be a better RO.   See, the scary thing is that if I continue to be invisible to myself, I will always be invisible to others.  I can’t have that and neither can you.  Don’t neglect you. Sometimes the only person hindering you from happiness is you.  Claim your happy back.  Take back your peace.  Rejoice in rejection. Know that you can’t do it all and you were not put here to. Cry if you need to just don’t fall apart.   You are not a robot.  You get to be not okay. You have the right to want more.  You need sleep. You need food.  You need peace of mind.  You deserve the luxury of pampering yourself mentally and physically. Most importantly, you deserve YOU!   It is okay to say no. It is okay to not have time.  It is okay to want to be better.  Bottom line: if you don’t take the time to know the person you see in the mirror, then you are worthless to others. I challenge you to find a day that is just for you.  Give no thought to issues that have nothing to do with you.  After all our souls weren’t saved by a woman, they were saved by a baby of the male gender and clearly you and I don’t fit that mold. We can’t save people no matter how hard we want to try.  This (whatever it is) is not your fight.  Chin up and know that it’s okay and that you are AMAZING.

~ ROdownload

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SPEAK UP: Some Things Should Be Said!!!!

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A while ago, I had a friend to vent to be about something her boyfriend was doing that she did not like. She said he did it quite frequently, and that it really bothered her. I immediately asked her what he said when she told him she didn’t like it. She laughed and admitted to me that she had decided not to mention it to him. I told her that she was to blame and not him. You just can’t hold something against someone when you haven’t communicated with them. NO ONE CAN READ YOUR MIND!!!

This conversation made me realize that I also ignore things that should be addressed. I wonder why women find it so difficult to fend for themselves in relationships. Shouldn’t it be easy to communicate with a person you’re in love with. Now we can tell you what you should say to your man, but we are quiet as church mice in our own homes.

I think that women are, by nature, quite protective people. We will put you in your place without thought if you have gotten out of line with someone or something we love. Mess with a woman’s mother or her child and find out just how lethal she can be. The peculiar thing to me is that I often notice that we aren’t as protective of ourselves. The same lady who would snap your neck about her child will become totally silent when it comes to defending herself. I find this to be especially true in relationships. A woman will be bothered by something her spouse is doing, and she will just ignore it rather than verbalizing her true feelings on the matter.

The issue with ignoring things that bother you is that those small issues tend to fester. They don’t go away or fix themselves just because you decided to maintain the peace in your relationship by not addressing it. In fact, because you didn’t address it, you gave your significant other the idea that everything was fine. This means that more likely than not he will do whatever it was that bothered you again. After all, you haven’t told him that anything was wrong.

The big issue is that the more you ignore things, the more they pile up. The more they pile up, the more bitterness and resentment you carry inside. Allow me to tell you that resentment is HEAVY. IT WILL WEIGH YOU DOWN! Wouldn’t it just be easier to speak up for yourself and say how you feel? Now I’m not telling you to become a nagging, picking pain in a man’s side, but I am saying speak up for yourself. Express yourself and tell how these things make you feel. Because the truth of the matter is when you do something that he doesn’t like or agree with, HE IS GOING TO LET YOU KNOW, and let’s just face it when he lets you know you’re going to try to adjust because you want to maintain the peace. So, why can’t he adjust for you? Speak up for yourself. Don’t let things build up. Don’t wait until you are too fed up to have a productive conversation. When you have let things go too far and have become angry and belligerent, you are not being heard. In fact, he is not even listening to you. Communication on the front end can help alleviate issues before they become cancerous to your relationship.

Speak up for you. Protect your own peace. Say what you feel. Things will only get worse if you don’t express your feelings. Don’t let that little itch become an unbearable rash.

–Ro