Take Care of You: You Deserve YOU

I haven’t blogged in a while, but a crazy week has made me want to share a message with you.  I have been feeling like I’m in the world alone for the past few days.  My friends have been there, my family has been there, I interact with people at work, but I’m yet feeling like I’m in a bubble and not connected to anyone. This is because I have lost the connection that I once had with myself.  I am a nurturer by nature.  If you are sick, I want to give you medicine.  If you are sad, I want to make you laugh.  If you are hungry, I want to feed you.  However, in the midst of nurturing and loving, I lost ROSHAWNDA. Am I sad? No. But what I am is a stranger to myself.  I think the reason is because I spend so much time trying to balance the normal woes of my own life as well as the woes of those around me that I have become a casualty. As women, we want to fix everything. We want to be the best mom, aunt, wife, girlfriend, sister, friend, etc. and we tend to fall short because we have not taken the time to remember that you were you before you were anything else. You came first so you come first.  People notice your change when your physical appearance changes.  How many times have you heard a person say “ooooh she let herself go?” But me? I look the same, yet I have let myself go.  My emotional appearance isn’t the same.  Am I depressed? NO But, I am just simply not connected to ROSHAWNDA in the way that I should be.  I’m telling you this because I want you to continue to be as awesome as you are, but include yourself on your priority list.  Including you and taking care of you will help you to better take care of all the people that need you.  You can’t give anyone else 100% until you give yourself 1, 000.  This is a daily struggle for me.  So I am making a promise to myself to strengthen my emotional appearance so that I can be a better friend, sister, niece, granddaughter, teacher, and more importantly child of GOD. It is so easy to get caught up into everyone else that you forget to care about you.  I’m not saying be selfish; just try to remember that you matter too.  And nobody else on Earth can cater to your needs the way that you can. I have decided to make a plan to devote time each week to myself in isolation.  ISOLATION: meaning unplugged from social media, not texting in group texts, and just alone with me and my thought mediating on what is and not what I want it to be. I will spend this time thinking about how to be a better RO.   See, the scary thing is that if I continue to be invisible to myself, I will always be invisible to others.  I can’t have that and neither can you.  Don’t neglect you. Sometimes the only person hindering you from happiness is you.  Claim your happy back.  Take back your peace.  Rejoice in rejection. Know that you can’t do it all and you were not put here to. Cry if you need to just don’t fall apart.   You are not a robot.  You get to be not okay. You have the right to want more.  You need sleep. You need food.  You need peace of mind.  You deserve the luxury of pampering yourself mentally and physically. Most importantly, you deserve YOU!   It is okay to say no. It is okay to not have time.  It is okay to want to be better.  Bottom line: if you don’t take the time to know the person you see in the mirror, then you are worthless to others. I challenge you to find a day that is just for you.  Give no thought to issues that have nothing to do with you.  After all our souls weren’t saved by a woman, they were saved by a baby of the male gender and clearly you and I don’t fit that mold. We can’t save people no matter how hard we want to try.  This (whatever it is) is not your fight.  Chin up and know that it’s okay and that you are AMAZING.

~ ROdownload

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I Don’t Want My Man to Put Me First

I never really blog about my friends, but this time will be a little different.  This time last year, I had a friend to get married. I sat back and watch how my friend’s husband interacted with her.  Before he got himself a drink, he made sure she was not thirsty.  If she looked anxious, he would subtly and tactfully grab her by the small of her back and just comfort her without saying a word.  When she said quirky things, he laughed along with her rather than at her.  Now, I know this friend well, so I know she can be a handful. However, he never seemed to be bothered by it; he never acted like she was getting on his nerves. The entire time I was in their presence, I thought to myself “I want a man who puts me first just like he puts her first.”

It wasn’t until more thought and observation of their interactions that I realized he does not put her first.  SHE IS NOT FIRST ON HIS LIST AT ALL!!!

He is able to love her that way and comfort her that way because he puts God first.  He could not love her that genuinely and passionately if he did not know God.  He is a loving husband because he it’s clear that he knows God has to be at the forefront.

I have always thought about what I wanted my husband to be like. I always said I want to be the most important thing in his life. I always said that I wanted a man who would drop everything for me.

I’m so glad that I have learned to amend that prayer. I am so glad that I now pray for a man who will love me the way God requests him to do. I pray for a man who will have God at the head our lives.

I thank God that he didn’t send me my husband when I was praying for that may who would ineffectively be infatuated with me.

So no, I don’t want to be put first. I’ll fall in line behind the BIG GUY as long as you promise to get up in the middle of the night with me to go get fountain drinks. LOLimg_2547

 

Is your account in the negative? 

    

 Everyone who knows me knows that I am very adept in English-Language Arts. I’ll be the first to admit that Math is not now nor has it ever been my strong subject. However, I want to talk about money. Everyone loves money. I need you to leave this blog understanding that anybody who is not adding to your peace is taking away from it. THEY ARE ROBBING YOU! I want to talk about the way that emotional connections take a toll on us. We tend to sacrifice our peace for the people and things we are emotionally connected to.
 Imagine that your peace of mind is stored in a bank account. Every moment you are at peace you get money added to your account. Every moment you are not at peace you lose money. If this was the case, how many of you would have money in the bank???

I’ll be the first to say that I would be poor, downright impoverished. I have a habit of letting other people be in control of my peace. Family members, coworkers, friends, significant others, and even situations have been known to take away my peace. The sad part is that these people often times don’t have a clue that they are causing me to sacrifice my peace because I tolerate it. I allow them to take away my peace. 

I recently had a friend to share her dreams with me. When I asked her what she was waiting on, she gave me three excuses. First, her child’s father would not support. Second, her dad would be upset. Third, it might cause a strain in her relationship. I kept thinking but what do any of things have to do with you? She was not peaceful in her current state, but would not go after her peace because of what other people might feel. So what she did was add to their peace and stole from her own. It’s sad to say, but many of us operate this way. It is just not fair. 

It’s simple Math, if a person is not adding to your peace, then they are subtracting from it. How much do you have to give? Are you going to just keep letting people and situations rob you of your peace? It belongs to you. It’s okay to get rid of anything and anybody who stops you from being at peace. Why is it that you always have to make the sacrifices? Why is it you that always has to compromise. You deserve peace. It’s your God given right, but it will not come with out a price. 

How long will you allow people to rob your bank of peace? Will it ever come to a point where you unapologetically make decisions that will secure your peace?

~Ro

Extension of my Recent Blog

  So, I recently posted my opinion on what I thought cheating did to women. Since then, I have thought more about it, and I came to the conclusion that there was a much more long lasting affect that I did not include in my initial post. I would be doing myself as well as other women an injustice to not address this. I would have to say that the main effect that being cheated on has on a woman is that it NEGATIVELY AFFECTS HER FUTURE RELATIONSHIPS AND EFFORTS AT RELATIONSHIPS. See when a woman is cheated on, she throws all men in the category with man who cheated on her. She is defensive and guarded. She cannot properly give love or receive it because her trust is shot. She does not believe that this time will be any different and that is the way she treats any man that approaches her. When something good comes her way, she questions it or sabotages it because she subconsciously believes that it is indeed too good to be true. For example, if a guy comes in and does all the things that the woman was not getting in the previous relationship, she is prone to think he is fake or just putting on. In a new relationship, a woman who has been hurt is just sitting around waiting on this guy’s true colors to appear. 

The issue with this is that not all men are the same, and just because you had a bad experience with a guy, you cannot allow that experience to determine how you view and treat every other man that comes in your life. Not everybody is out to use and abuse you. There are some good men left, but you will never find him if you are still living in the dust of what happened to you.

Now, I am not saying that you should not be careful and pay attention to early signs, but you cannot allow what happened to you to determine what will happen to you. Treating a new man according to how an unfaithful ex treated you is allowing the very person who hurt you to control your life. If he is a factor in your decision making when dating, then he is still winning. HE IS STILL RULING YOUR LIFE EVEN IN HIS ABSENCE. Don’t give him that power. Does he deserve it? Moreover, what you are really doing is running a potentially good guy away. You will never be happy if you just refuse to let go of what happened to you. Again, not all men are the same. 

If you find yourself getting the same types of men, then that says something about your taste in men rather than the character of all men. 

Ok, so you had a bad relationship. It happens. Bounce back! Get over it. Dust yourself off, and try to love again. You are capable of giving and receiving real love. It can happen. Don’t give up on it or ruin it because you were hurt.  

~Ro

 

  

 

When Broken is BETTER!!!

I will keep this simple. This is something that I am still learning. In this blog, much like all the others, I am trying to speak to you while also speaking to myself. By nature, I am a FIXER. When things are broken, I try to fix them. I want to “Olivia Pope” my life as well as the lives of those around me. I love to help people FIX things that are wrong with their lives. When I feel like I have successfully fixed something, I feel this inner peace that is indescribable. Oh but when I fail at fixing what I want fixed, I feel defeated and I feel like a failure. AND I HATE TO FAIL. 
Recently, like always, I have been trying to fix something, and every effort at fixing it seems to make it worse, and the worst it gets, the worse I feel. Well today, I got to thinking that not everything needs to be fixed. Some things are just better off broken!!!  
I know it is easier said than done, but sometimes you should just face the fact that whatever shattered should remain shattered and keep moving. This goes for relationships, friendships, jobs, and other involvements. You are just not equipped to fix everything, and let’s be real, sometimes the MASTER FIXER is the one who broke whatever it is you are trying to fix. You cannot “out fix” the original fixer. STOP TRYING TO FIX EVERYTHING: IT WILL ONLY HURT YOU MORE.

Most broken things are like glass. Sometimes it is better to leave them broken instead of hurting yourself trying to put it back together.  

Let me go get some bandages for these bloody fingers of mine. 

 

Jealous Much?????

I’ll make this one quick:

Have you ever talked to a person that would easily believe something negative about a person, yet question every positive thing that they hear?  I mean a rumor can come with no evidence and this person will believe it as if it is the gospel, but will make a person prove any positive thing.

Or, have you talked to a person who has something negative to say about EVERYTHING except their own life?

This type of person that I am describing is a person with an envious spirit and a jealous heart.  You know one of those people who does not want to see anybody doing well, or you can do well just not a well as them.  It is downright sad that envy and jealousy is such a powerful force.  If you find it hard to celebrate with a person, pray for a person, or encourage a person, then you are envious.  That envy is not going to get you anywhere.  Have you ever thought that if you surround yourself around positive people, then some of those positive vibes may filter into your life?  I know that we all have our faults, but jealousy is a choice. You can make an earnest effort to be happy for people.  You can make a resolve with yourself to stop wishing that negative things happen to people.  It is not wise to take pleasure another person’s misery.  Just because one person is doing well will not stop you from doing well.  There are enough blessings for us all.  Some just may come sooner than others.

Also, be careful whose life you wish for because you never know how hard a person is working or struggling to keep that life.  Be careful of how you wish for other people’s things because you don’t know the headache associated with having them.  Sometimes you just may get what you wish for, and it is nothing like imagined it would be.  There is nothing wrong with wanting what is for you, but there is a lot wrong with wanting what is for everyone else.  Remove that spirit of envy that you carry and learn to be happy for others because remember that one day you just may want someone to be happy for you.

Life is not a race because regardless of what we have and what we do, all of our finishing points will be exactly the same. These things that we are competing for are only temporary, for we cannot take them with us!!!

–Ro

FORGIVE: It Feels So Good!! 

  

One thing that I have always struggled with is forgiveness. I must admit that I always had two struggles with forgiveness. I either didn’t want to forgive, or I didn’t know how to forgive. For years, I toiled with the burden of not forgiving people who had hurt me. I didn’t hold grudges or treat people badly, but I always held a mental note of what the person had done to me. I called this a burden because I was the person who was constantly thinking about the hurt when the person who had done it had probably forgotten about it a long time ago. In addition, to holding a mental note, I also had to constantly remind people of what they did to me or how they hurt me. So here I am bitter and mad because I’m still carrying around someone else’s guilt. I didn’t do the damage so I shouldn’t be carrying around the guilt from it. 
Another thing I had to learn was that if you aren’t going to forgive a person who wronged you then you should just leave that person completely alone. This is especially true in relationships. For example, if your significant others wrongs you, then you have two options. You can forgive and stay, or you can not forgive and leave. If you can’t forgive that person, then you cannot properly love the person. Love does not keep record of wrong doing, so how can you love a person if you keep bringing up something that they did to you? You have to make a choice, and if staying is your choice than you can’t bring that hurt with you. Bringing old baggage with you hinders you from loving like you are otherwise capable of loving, and that’s not fair to you or your mate. 
Now, if you have been hurt beyond repair and you feel you need to leave, then do that. However, leave that baggage behind too. It is possible to forgive a person and leave them. Forgiveness does not mean you have to rekindle the relationship. Forgive the person so that you can be free. Forgiveness is not for the person who hurt you; it’s for YOU!!! A person who hurt you does not have the right to be in your life after his or her time has expired. As long as you don’t forgive, you keep that person in your mind and in your heart, and you can never properly move on. If you want a fresh start, then try forgiving. You’ll thank yourself for it later. 
Forgiveness means letting it go. Forgiveness means not bashing a person every chance you get (even though it may feel good doing so), forgiveness means living your life for you, forgiveness means keeping no record of things done to you. Forgiveness means truly leaving the past in the past. 
If you find yourself weighed down with hurt from the past, do your SOUL a favor and FORGIVE!!!

–Ro

As Long as you’re ALIVE you aren’t LATE!!!! 

  
Women are notorious for planning out their lives. It starts even as early as childhood. Most girls have a mental image of what their career will be, what their home will look like, how many kids they will have, and even what those kids names will be. How many of you sat in class and wrote what the names of your children will be based on you’re then sweetheart. Don’t do that, you know you did it. This isn’t just idle thinking; these are lifelong plans. The problem is that we have no control over our lives. We are just not the author of that book, so it doesn’t matter how much planning you do. 
Most people give themselves a time schedule. For example, one may plan to be working their dream job by 23, married by 24, pregnant by 25, and living in a house built from the ground up by 30. Those timelines are unrealistic for most, and they put you under unnecessary pressure. I think it’s important to set goals, but it’s equally as important to let the author of life have complete control. You don’t get to decide. You’re not good at deciding. If everything I planned for my life happened, I would be in serious trouble. Your best option is to just go with the flow. Stop comparing your life to others. Just because someone seems to be progressing quicker than you does not mean you are lacking. Just continue to pray and go with the flow. You will get where you need to be when its your time. Remember if you get there a moment earlier than God has planned, you won’t be ready for it. You will not receive a blessing from God that you are not equipped to handle. 
Ladies, throw those timelines away. You are not a failure. You may have accomplished things late or out of order, but oh well. Dust yourself off and keep going. Even if the baby came before the marriage, repent and keep it moving. You can still be successful. Even if you didn’t go to college right away; who cares? You can go now!!!! Don’t beat yourself up because you didn’t follow your original plan. My original plan was to be the President of the United States!!! Could you imagine me running the free world. I think I make a far better teacher. (Lol!) 
Every delay is not a loss. You are a winner. You just have to make the choice to win. Don’t give up on you just because you strayed from the plan.  
The mission is still possible. 
–Ro 

I HAVE CHANGED!!!!

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Of all my blogs, this is probably the most heartfelt. I am sure that many people will be able to relate to this, but this is a personal account of my life and my feelings. The motivation for this topic came from a conversation that I had with a former friend whom I have no ill feelings toward. Sometimes life just calls people in different places, and friendships have to sever. I was told recently that I as beginning to think that I was too much. That was the person’s exact words. To clear it up for those who don’t speak crazy that means that I have lost my humility and become arrogant or haughty. When I was told that, it cut me to my very core. Me? RoShawda? Arrogant? Clearly not!!! I felt that I had to defend the notion that I was arrogant and clarify that I was still the same me. My new circumstances, accomplishments, or ambitions have not changed demeanor, for I am still the same fragment of what God wants me to be that I was 20 years ago. I am not better, I just want more, and I think I have that right.

However, the truth is, I have changed. I changed because my circumstances changed. I changed because my prayers changed. I began to see that I came from thought, but I could be something today. I didn’t have to spend the rest of my life being nothing. See, if you are thinking and acting the same way you were years ago then that is a problem…a major problem. Those changes are called growth. Sadly, not everyone will respect, like, or even try to understand your growth. That is their problem; not yours.

I could never be arrogant or prideful because I still remember what it was like to ride to school in a car that you were embarrassed of, to use Crisco cooking oil as lotion, or to use baking soda when you had run out of toothpaste. I thank God for every struggle because it helps me to be appreciative today!!! My mom and dad worked very hard to provide our needs, and I thank God that we survived. So, if you were not with me when I was poverty-stricken and struggling, then you wouldn’t understand my growth. I am constantly changing because I pray and set personal goals for myself, and when I accomplish them, I get no glory God gets all of it. You cannot attempt to understand a person’s growth if you were not in the trenches with them.

When someone tells you that you have changed, take it as a compliment. You should be changing; you should be working diligently to become a better version of you. You don’t have to defend wanting more for yourself or your family. You don’t have to defend having expectations of things and people. You don’t have to defend only associating yourself with certain things and only accepting certain things. You have the right to want to be at the front of the line. God gave you that right (Deut. 28:13). You also have the right to think that you are better than certain circumstances. You just DON’T have the right to think you are better than people.

One of my constant prayers is for God to keep my humble, and I know that I am not better than anyone else. Although, I am crying real tears as I type this blog, I am so happy that I have changed. I am so happy that I can now look back and see how far I have come. I am so grateful that I am not the same person I was three weeks ago; that is called FAVOR. The next time someone tells me I have changed; my reply will simply be “HAVEN’T YOU CHANGED TOO? IF NOT, YOU SHOULD WORK ON THAT!”
–Ro

Trying Out this Blogging Thing

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I decided to create a blog just because I love to write so much. I take too much pleasure in writing not to share my passion with the world.  I felt that during those sleepless nights, I could share with the world those odd things I think about. For example, right now I am wondering how the hamburger got its name when ham is pork not beef. Shouldn’t it be called a steak burger or a cow burger or a cattle burger.  Yes, I was actually thinking that right at that very moment, and the sad part is that it is something that I truly want to know the answer to.  I think I will open another tab and google that as we speak. Anyway, back to something important, when thinking about what I would blog about, I thought of relationships, but obviously that was a no go because I have not been very successful in that area.  I thought of religion, but obviously God is yet working on me, so maybe I would not be the one to take spiritual advice from either.  I thought about fashion, but I mean all I can say is that I adore shoes, and I love it when my clothes fit. I even thought about education, but I chose to keep my career a separate entity.  So, what will I talk about in this blog? I don’t know.  What exactly is my niche? What does the Holy Spirit want me to share??? I’m still working on getting an answer, so right now I will start by sharing just a little of this and a little of that, and maybe I will find some direction later. Please don’t be alarmed by my random spirit.  I’m a very opinionated person, and I plan to sugar coat NOTHING.  Please take my opinion with a grain of salt because I am only an expert at knowing when subjects and verbs agree. I am just a real person with real opinions on real life. Take it or leave it.  Happy Reading.  Talk to you soon…..RO