HOLD ON FOR WHAT??? LET IT GO!!!!

I think that one of the hardest things in life to do is let go of a bad situation. Letting go is so scary because it requires you to step really far outside of your comfort zone. As long as you hang on to what you are familiar to, you do not have to worry about starting over, learning something new, or becoming acquainted with something all over again. This can go for any walk of life. Sometimes, it is just time to let go. Although holding on may be the most comfortable choice, it may also be the most expensive choice. You are paying for holding on: you are paying with your happiness, your peace of mind, and your mental stability. Is it really worth such a lofty price.

It’s like playing a losing game of tug o’ war, the more you hold on to that rope trying to pull it back to your, the more energy you are wasting and the more physical pain you are causing yourself. You are trying so hard to win the game, but you are not paying attention to the blisters you are creating on hands by tugging on that rope with all your might. It is sad to say, but sometimes you are actually winning when you just let go of the work. You saved some energy and you saved yourself from some unwanted pain.

I hear a lot of people say that they do not let go because they have invested so much time and energy in the situation. For example, people say that they don’t leave relationships because they have put so much into them. However, what does it matter what you put into something if you are not getting anything out? Take all that energy and effort you are putting into a bad situation, and put it into you and your goals. You deserve more than to give you very best effort and it return to your void. Let it go. If you are in a bad situation, letting it go can be one of the healthiest things you can do. You will thank yourself later. You can’t be concerned about what people think or what people will say. There comes a point when you have to make a selfish decision and say, I am doing this for me and NOT       anyone else. People may not always understand your decision, but do they have to live with it?

Letting go allows you to see what could be. When your hold on, you are sometimes stopping yourself from accomplishing all you can accomplish. True enough, you may go from one bad situation to another, but at least you will be able to say that you were brave enough to let go of what had you bound and move on to the unknown. The next situation may not always be a better one, but if you are already in a bad situation what do you really have to lose? You will never know what life has for you until you try. Scared people never changed the world. Let go of a bad situation even if it is all you know and see how easily all you know becomes all you KNEW.

I think that it is impossible to be the BEST YOU that you can be if you are holding one to something that is not good for you. Even on a job, you can’t provide your best work if you are a disgruntled employee. Seek to do things that makes you peaceful and happy, and let go of anything that makes you uneasy, sad or angry. This could mean taking a leap of faith and venturing into unknown, unfamiliar territory. You will survive; it won’t be easy, and in the beginning it won’t be comfortable, but it will be WORTH IT.

Anything that is not helping your grow is tearing you down. Even with your hand in a lion’s mouth, it suggest you sacrifice your hand just to save the rest of you. LET IT GO!!!!

–Ro

I NEED HIM TO HAVE A HANDSOME HEART!!!!

The inspiration for this post came from a conversation that I recently had with a dear friend. She told me that she has an issue dating a man who does not look a certain way. Meaning, that he has to dress a certain way and look a certain way. This friend went on to say that she thinks the “less attractive” men are nicer and more willing to cater to women, but she just wasn’t sure that she could be completely devoted to a man who was not as easy on her eyes as she would like for him to be. It is safe to say that this friend is single, and still waiting on her “eye candy.” Now, having had this conversation, I am wondering how many women agree with the sentiments of my friend. Exactly how many women are missing out on their husbands, soul mates, and God-anointed life partners because he did not have the charisma (swag) that she likes or is accustomed to? Have I been ignoring my husband because I did not like his shoes?? (If I have, Lord send him back!!!)

I’ll be the first to admit that I would love to wake up day and night to Denzel, Idris, or Floyd, but the reality of the situation is that this fantasy is not always real life.

Many women say that they are praying for a husband, but they turn down every man who does not have on expensive shoes and clothes. How do you know that you are not ignoring your husband every single day? How can you be sure that your husband is not that guy that you laughed at or gave the wrong number? I’d be willing to bet that sometimes when we pray for that husband, God shakes his head and says “I sent him to you, but you didn’t like his swag!” Poor women! Please be mindful that your blessing may not always be packaged exactly like you would like for it to. Look at the man’s heart. The most important part is HOW HE TREATS YOU. A million dollar diamond wrapped in a soiled diaper is still more valuable than cubic zirconia wrapped perfectly with a ribbon on top. It is what’s on the inside that matters. Beauty fades, but a kind heart will still be there. Women should long for a man who honors her from head to toe regardless of how he looks or dresses.

Now whatever you do, PLEASE don’t misinterpret me by leaving this post thinking that I wouldn’t prefer a husband that I find physically attractive; however, the older I get the less I am concerned with his outer appearance. Give me a good heart over good looks any day; I can pick his clothes and shoes. LOL.

Bottom line: everyone is entitled to be attracted to what they are attracted to, and the heart wants what the heart wants, but I will leave you with this thought:

A brand new BENZ with a defaulted engine is not going to get you as far as an old beat up FORD with a good engine. IT’S ABOUT WHAT IS INSIDE. WHAT DOES HIS HEART LOOK LIKE????

–Ro

UNHAPPINESS: WE BRING IT ON OURSELVES!!!

Disclaimer: By no means do I proclaim to be an expert. I’m just a woman with experiences. The experiences of pain, betrayal, triumph, failure, laughter, and sadness. I have felt it all. I won’t throw myself a pity party and say I’ve had a bad life. It’s been just the contrary; I have had a great life. If my life were a portrait, it would be a beautifully painted picture of the world with minor mistakes made by the painter. Those mistakes in the portrait represent the many downs I have had in a life that I consider to be a pretty happy one. My valley experiences are what qualify me to author this post. I came up with the concept for this particular blog post when I realized that most of the bad things I have gone through in my life were a direct result of a bad decision I had made. I saw a pattern: I made poor decisions and I suffered the natural consequence that was associated with that decision.  The purpose of this post isn’t to blame every woman for every bad situation that she has. However, I would like  to make women cognizant of the fact that sometimes it’s not the world against us (as we often say), it’s US AGAINST US. A woman’s biggest enemy, her biggest hindrance, and her biggest burden is often herself. How, you might ask? Keep reading and discover how I THINK a woman can and most times will be her own demise.

I’ve often heard men and women say “Men have it easier” when it comes to relationships. That is the biggest load of malarkey I have ever heard. In actuality men have it much harder because they are in a lose-lose situation. Men are doomed because they are more likely than not charged with the task of pleasing a woman who does not know what it takes to please herself. Women are peculiar creatures with peculiar ways. Very few people, if any, have been able to successfully determine why a woman is so complex. This complexity in women, in my opinion,  makes women more powerful. Well one might ask if women are so powerful, then why are the woes of a woman so magnanimous? Women want to know way they have it so hard? Why they are on the losing end of the relationship game. Women wonder why they are seen as weak, nagging, emotional beings? The answer to each of those questions is quite simple. Although women are quite powerful, they have it so hard because they make a cycle of mistakes that diminishes their God-given power and causes them to be that weak individual that they are perpetually labeled as. The mistakes that women make in relationships are not exclusive to a certain race, pay grade, or body type; ALL WOMEN INCLUDING ME have done one of these things at one point in their lives. In fact, I think I am still making some of these mistakes.  Before I list the mistakes, I think I should warn  you AGAIN that I am no expert, I am just a woman who is willing to admit that most of the time, I am the sole cause of my unhappiness. Can you admit the same ladies?  I will list and briefly describe the top mistakes that I think women make which leave us powerless and hurt.

1.  Not making men afford us: I think that we give too much of ourselves too soon and require too little.  A man will not willingly do what is not required of him.  We will not require a man to do “manly” things and then get mad when he does them for someone else.  Well maybe she required them.  If you give a man the easy way out, he will take it.  If there is a man in your life, then why are you pumping your own gas, why is he not taking your garbage out, why are you worrying about how your car will get fixed or cleaned?  (This is definitely one I had to learn the hard way.)

2.  Competing with other women: The moment you felt you had to compete, you had already lost.  Furthermore, why are you competing with Sarah when he is likely interested in Jane too.  I mean really there is nothing you can beat this woman at doing to make him stop pursuing her if that is what he wants to do.  I mean a man cheated on Halle Berry and who can hold a candle to her.  Stop using your energy competing with a woman while the man is using his energy toward that very same woman and others.

3.  Trying to please everyone: You will not please everyone; stop trying.  It is okay to make a decision that makes you happy.  THE END!!!

4.  Thinking that we can love a man into loving us: A man will soak up all your love and give his to the person he loves.  You can cook, clean, and fulfill other needs, and he will reap all those benefits AND STILL NOT LOVE YOU. You can not make a man love you and you can not stop a man who loves you from loving you.

5. Being committed to a single man: This one is self-explanatory! I have been there and done that.  Let’s just say it is not a good feeling. If he is living like he is single, then you should be too.  I am not suggesting that you sleep around, but I am saying quit giving him relationship privileges when he is clearly not committed to you.

6.  Investing time in the wrong things: Why is it that you don’t know how many books there are in the Bible, but you know how many followers your boyfriend’s  side chick has on Instagram.  Need I say more?

I really hope my unimportant opinion helped at least one person. Ha! I hope that writing this helped ME.  I am also a work in progress, but ladies we have to get it together if we ever want to be happy. Pray for my strength as I pray for yours.

–Ro