Disclaimer: By no means do I proclaim to be an expert. I’m just a woman with experiences. The experiences of pain, betrayal, triumph, failure, laughter, and sadness. I have felt it all. I won’t throw myself a pity party and say I’ve had a bad life. It’s been just the contrary; I have had a great life. If my life were a portrait, it would be a beautifully painted picture of the world with minor mistakes made by the painter. Those mistakes in the portrait represent the many downs I have had in a life that I consider to be a pretty happy one. My valley experiences are what qualify me to author this post. I came up with the concept for this particular blog post when I realized that most of the bad things I have gone through in my life were a direct result of a bad decision I had made. I saw a pattern: I made poor decisions and I suffered the natural consequence that was associated with that decision. The purpose of this post isn’t to blame every woman for every bad situation that she has. However, I would like to make women cognizant of the fact that sometimes it’s not the world against us (as we often say), it’s US AGAINST US. A woman’s biggest enemy, her biggest hindrance, and her biggest burden is often herself. How, you might ask? Keep reading and discover how I THINK a woman can and most times will be her own demise.
I’ve often heard men and women say “Men have it easier” when it comes to relationships. That is the biggest load of malarkey I have ever heard. In actuality men have it much harder because they are in a lose-lose situation. Men are doomed because they are more likely than not charged with the task of pleasing a woman who does not know what it takes to please herself. Women are peculiar creatures with peculiar ways. Very few people, if any, have been able to successfully determine why a woman is so complex. This complexity in women, in my opinion, makes women more powerful. Well one might ask if women are so powerful, then why are the woes of a woman so magnanimous? Women want to know way they have it so hard? Why they are on the losing end of the relationship game. Women wonder why they are seen as weak, nagging, emotional beings? The answer to each of those questions is quite simple. Although women are quite powerful, they have it so hard because they make a cycle of mistakes that diminishes their God-given power and causes them to be that weak individual that they are perpetually labeled as. The mistakes that women make in relationships are not exclusive to a certain race, pay grade, or body type; ALL WOMEN INCLUDING ME have done one of these things at one point in their lives. In fact, I think I am still making some of these mistakes. Before I list the mistakes, I think I should warn you AGAIN that I am no expert, I am just a woman who is willing to admit that most of the time, I am the sole cause of my unhappiness. Can you admit the same ladies? I will list and briefly describe the top mistakes that I think women make which leave us powerless and hurt.
1. Not making men afford us: I think that we give too much of ourselves too soon and require too little. A man will not willingly do what is not required of him. We will not require a man to do “manly” things and then get mad when he does them for someone else. Well maybe she required them. If you give a man the easy way out, he will take it. If there is a man in your life, then why are you pumping your own gas, why is he not taking your garbage out, why are you worrying about how your car will get fixed or cleaned? (This is definitely one I had to learn the hard way.)
2. Competing with other women: The moment you felt you had to compete, you had already lost. Furthermore, why are you competing with Sarah when he is likely interested in Jane too. I mean really there is nothing you can beat this woman at doing to make him stop pursuing her if that is what he wants to do. I mean a man cheated on Halle Berry and who can hold a candle to her. Stop using your energy competing with a woman while the man is using his energy toward that very same woman and others.
3. Trying to please everyone: You will not please everyone; stop trying. It is okay to make a decision that makes you happy. THE END!!!
4. Thinking that we can love a man into loving us: A man will soak up all your love and give his to the person he loves. You can cook, clean, and fulfill other needs, and he will reap all those benefits AND STILL NOT LOVE YOU. You can not make a man love you and you can not stop a man who loves you from loving you.
5. Being committed to a single man: This one is self-explanatory! I have been there and done that. Let’s just say it is not a good feeling. If he is living like he is single, then you should be too. I am not suggesting that you sleep around, but I am saying quit giving him relationship privileges when he is clearly not committed to you.
6. Investing time in the wrong things: Why is it that you don’t know how many books there are in the Bible, but you know how many followers your boyfriend’s side chick has on Instagram. Need I say more?
I really hope my unimportant opinion helped at least one person. Ha! I hope that writing this helped ME. I am also a work in progress, but ladies we have to get it together if we ever want to be happy. Pray for my strength as I pray for yours.